Non-romantic intimate partnerships
Queerplatonic relationships
(
QPR
), also known as
queerplatonic partnerships
(
QPP
), are committed
intimate relationships
between
significant others
whose relationship is not
romantic
in nature. A queerplatonic relationship differs from a close
friendship
by having the same explicit commitment, status, and structure as a formal romantic relationship, whilst it differs from a romantic relationship by not involving feelings of romantic love.
[1]
The concept originates in
aromantic
and
asexual
spaces in the
LGBT community
.
[2]
Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship.
Definition
[
edit
]
The
Asexual Visibility and Education Network
defines queerplatonic relationships as "non-romantic significant-other relationships of 'partner status
'
".
[3]
Angela Chen describes queerplatonic partnership as "one of the few explicit titles available to describe the social space between 'friend' and 'romantic partner'" for non-romantic partners who share the "intense relationship and the security of explicit validation" otherwise associated exclusively with romance.
[2]
Julie Sondra Decker
writes that QPR often "looks indistinguishable from romance when outside the equation", but should not be "assigned a romantic status if participants say it is not romantic". She also notes that observers can misread it as a typical close friendship in circumstances where overtly romantic gestures are socially expected. For Decker, the essence of queerplatonic attraction is its ambiguous position in relation to normative categories: she writes that QPR "is a platonic relationship, but it is '
queered
' in some way?not friends, not romantic partners, but something else".
[4]
Similarly, CJ DeLuzio Chasin characterises QPR as a "meta-category 'catch-all'" for "non-normative relationships" that are "not romantic relationships but which are also not adequately or properly described by 'friendship'".
[5]
Some authors put less stress on the partner-status structure or non-normative character of QPR and focus more on the idea that it represents a stronger emotional connection than conventional friendship. For instance, the
College of William & Mary
's neologism dictionary defines QPR as an "extremely close" relationship that is "beyond friendship" without being romantic,
[6]
and sex therapist
Stefani Goerlich
in
Psychology Today
similarly describes QPRs as a "deeper commitment than friendship".
[7]
Terminology
[
edit
]
The term "queerplatonic" was coined in 2010 by the writers s. e. cummings and Kaz.
[2]
The form of
attraction
that is involved in queerplatonic relationships has been described using the word "
alterous
".
[8]
[9]
Alternatively, other sources have used the word "queerplatonic" to describe a form of attraction as well as a category of relationship.
[10]
[11]
[12]
In asexual and aromantic online spaces, queerplatonic partners are sometimes called "
zucchinis
".
[3]
[13]
LGBT news website
PinkNews
describes this as "a joke which refers to the lack of terminology to describe meaningful relationships outside of romantic or sexual partnerships".
[14]
A platonic
crush
is called a "
squish
",
[15]
[16]
and this term has been applied to QPR.
[17]
Origins and use
[
edit
]
The term originates in the aromantic and asexual communities,
[2]
[6]
[13]
and it was largely restricted to these spaces in the 2010s.
The Huffington Post
described it in 2014 as a "new label" coming from the same place as "
aromantic
" and "
demisexual
",
[18]
the College of William & Mary's neologism dictionary observed in 2016 that it was only used in aromantic and asexual spaces,
[6]
and Zach Schudson and Sari van Anders characterised it in 2019 as one of several "emergent gender and sexual identity discourses" appearing on LGBT social networking sites.
[19]
However, from 2021, some popular websites aimed at general audiences began to discuss the concept,
[7]
[20]
[21]
[22]
[23]
and the concept has been used (rather than merely discussed as a neologism) in some academic art and literature criticism.
[24]
[25]
[26]
Some authors observed in the 2020s that QPR is associated with
polyamory
. A 2021 qualitative analysis of the language used by people involved in polyamory gave the word "queerplatonic" as a typical example of the "complex" vocabulary often used by individuals involved in consensual non-monogamous relationships.
[27]
Y. Gavriel Ansara, writing for an audience of
relationship counsellors
, also observes that the term is common among polyamorous people.
[28]
A 2022 article in the women's magazine
Bustle
drew parallels between "queerplatonic life partnerships" and consensual non-monogamy, relating both to
relationship anarchy
and the shared principle that the participants "customize their commitments according to what the people in the relationship desire".
[23]
Schudson and van Anders (2019) and the 2022
Bustle
article also assert that use of the term is driven by "young people",
[19]
or
millennials
and
Generation Z
.
[23]
Sex therapist
Stefani Goerlich
suggested in 2021 that the concept was inspired by
Boston marriages
?formalized
romantic friendships
between wealthy women in late nineteenth century
New England
. She also characterized QPRs as "an ancient practice made popular again", and suggests that
Ruth and Naomi
in the
Hebrew Bible
might have had "one of the earliest recorded QPRs".
[7]
Social analysis
[
edit
]
Savie Luce challenges the conventional queer reading of
Mary Eleanor Wilkins Freeman
's
Two Friends
, a story depicting a Boston marriage, which casts it in a "sexualized queer light" as depicting a sapphic relationship. She argues that through the lens of QPR and Ela Przybylo's concept of "asexual erotics", Freeman's protagonists can be read as erotic lesbian partners without the need to mischaracterise their relationship as sexual or romantic, which Luce regards as "erotonormative". She also presents QPR as a radical counter-narrative to the
lesbian bed death
trope, with asexuality "an additive quality rather than a deficit" in a queerplatonic partnership between women.
[26]
Some authors have seen the concept of QPR as a reaction against an
amatonormative
hierarchy in which romantic relationships are regarded as more important than friendships. The author of the William & Mary neologism dictionary's entry on QPR opines that the desire to designate a close platonic attachment as a significant other rather than a best friend only exists because of the normative expectation that an individual should prioritize their partner over their friends?for them, QPR is only distinguished from friendship because the latter is not "considered a valid replacement for romantic love".
[6]
Similarly, Roma De las Heras Gomez connects
relationship anarchy
's critique of the idea that a romantic relationship is necessary to "create a family that includes long-term partnership, cohabitation, joint economic responsibility, and potential child raising" to the folk categories used in "asexual communities and aromantic communities online", and though she does not directly mention QPR, she does use the phrase "queerplatonic relationships" as a keyword for the paper,
[29]
suggesting that she sees QPR as similar to relationship-anarchist non-sexual cohabitation and co-parenting.
See also
[
edit
]
References
[
edit
]
- ^
Some more exact definitions of QPR include:
- CJ DeLuzio Chasin refers to QPR as a "meta-category 'catch-all'" for "non-normative relationships" that are "not romantic ... but which are also not adequately or properly described by 'friendship'".
- The
College of William & Mary
's neologism dictionary defines QPR as an "extremely close" relationship that is "beyond friendship" without being romantic.
See the section "
Definition
" below.
- ^
a
b
c
d
Chen, Angela (2021).
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex
. Beacon Press. pp. 118?121.
ISBN
978-0-8070-1473-8
.
OCLC
1337835879
.
- ^
a
b
Chasin, CJ DeLuzio (2015). "Making Sense in and of the Asexual Community: Navigating Relationships and Identities in a Context of Resistance".
Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology
.
25
(2): 167?180.
doi
:
10.1002/casp.2203
.
- ^
Decker, Julie Sondra (September 2014).
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
. Skyhorse. p. 25.
ISBN
978-1634502436
.
- ^
Chasin, CJ DeLuzio (2019).
"Asexuality and the Re/Construction of Sexual Orientation"
(PDF)
. In Simula, Brandy L.; Sumerau, J. E.; Miller, Andrea (eds.).
Expanding the Rainbow: Exploring the Relationships of Bi+, Polyamorous, Kinky, Ace, Intersex, and Trans People
. Leiden: Brill. pp. 209?219.
ISBN
9789004414099
.
- ^
a
b
c
d
"Queerplatonic"
.
21st-Century Interdisciplinary Dictionary: A William & Mary Lexicon of English Neologisms, Buzzwords, Keywords and Jargon
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
a
b
c
Goerlich, Stefani (6 September 2021).
"Queerplatonic Relationships: A New Term for an Old Custom"
.
Psychology Today
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
Gardiner, Georgi (2023).
"We Forge the Conditions of Love"
.
academic.oup.com
. pp. 279?314.
doi
:
10.1093/oso/9780192845450.003.0012
.
ISBN
978-0-19-284545-0
. Retrieved
18 May
2024
.
- ^
Young, Eris (21 December 2022).
Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace
. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
ISBN
978-1-78775-699-1
.
- ^
"A Guide to 14 Different Types of Attraction"
.
Choosing Therapy
. Retrieved
18 May
2024
.
- ^
Barron, Victoria (21 June 2023).
Amazing Ace, Awesome Aro: An Illustrated Exploration
. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
ISBN
978-1-83997-715-2
.
- ^
Aral, Nigiel; Castro, Maxene Alexandra De; Mansukhani, Karuna May; Sara, Ayeesha Heather (29 April 2021).
"Determinants of Sexual Literacy of Senior High School Students in De La Salle University-Manila"
.
DLSU Senior High School Research Congress
.
- ^
a
b
"The 'A' in LGBT"
.
Counterpoint
.
35
(1): 8. September 2013.
- ^
Smith, Lydia (18 April 2018).
"What is a quasiplatonic aka queerplatonic relationship?"
.
PinkNews
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
"Who's Your Main Squish? 15 Signs You're Squishing on Someone"
.
LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships
. 22 May 2017
. Retrieved
28 March
2022
.
- ^
"Squish- That Platonic Crush You Always Experienced But Never Had A Name For"
.
ED Times | Youth Media Channel
. 29 July 2016
. Retrieved
28 March
2022
.
- ^
Omnes et Nihil (2014).
Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer [zine]
(PDF)
.
- ^
Brekke, Kira (8 October 2014).
"This Is What It Means To Be Aromantic, Demiromantic And Queerplatonic"
.
The Huffington Post
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
a
b
van Anders, Sari; Schudson, Zach (12 August 2019).
"
'You have to coin new things': Sexual and gender identity discourses in asexual, queer, and/or trans young people's networked counterpublics"
.
Psychology & Sexuality
.
10
(4): 354?368.
doi
:
10.1080/19419899.2019.1653957
.
hdl
:
1974/32792
.
S2CID
202286008
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
"What Does A Queerplatonic Relationship Look Like?"
.
DriveThru
. 11 June 2021
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
Davenport, Barrie (November 2021).
"Are You In A Queerplatonic Relationship? 13 Clues You Are"
.
Live Bold & Bloom
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
"Queerplatonic Relationship: What It Is & 25 Signs You're In One"
.
LovePanky: Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships
. 12 June 2021
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
a
b
c
Inks, Lexi.
"Your Guide To Queerplatonic Life Partnerships"
.
Bustle
. Retrieved
26 February
2022
.
- ^
Popova, Milena (3 April 2018).
"
'Dogfuck rapeworld': Omegaverse fanfiction as a critical tool in analyzing the impact of social power structures on intimate relationships and sexual consent"
.
Porn Studies
.
5
(2): 201.
doi
:
10.1080/23268743.2017.1394215
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
Przybyło, Ela (2022). "Ace and aro lesbian art and theory with Agnes Martin and Yayoi Kusama".
Journal of Lesbian Studies
.
26
(1): 89?112.
doi
:
10.1080/10894160.2021.1958732
.
PMID
34463602
.
S2CID
239671332
.
- ^
a
b
Luce, Savie (2021).
"Asexual Erasure Undone: A Short Literary History of Asexuality in 19th-to 20th-Century Literary Classics"
.
- ^
Cardoso, Daniel; Pascoal, Patricia M.; Maiochi, Francisco Hertel (27 May 2021).
"Defining Polyamory: A Thematic Analysis of Lay People's Definitions"
(PDF)
.
Archives of Sexual Behavior
.
50
(4): 1239?1252.
doi
:
10.1007/s10508-021-02002-y
.
PMC
8321986
.
PMID
34046765
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
Ansara, Y. Gavriel (2020).
"Challenging everyday monogamism: Making the paradigm shift from couple-centric bias to polycule-centred practice in counselling and psychotherapy"
.
Psychotherapy and Counselling Journal of Australia
.
8
(2).
doi
:
10.59158/001c.71237
.
S2CID
257705886
. Retrieved
25 February
2022
.
- ^
De las Heras Gomez, Roma (2019).
"Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach"
(PDF)
.
Sociological Research Online
.
24
(4): 12.
doi
:
10.1177/1360780418811965
.
S2CID
150062238
.
Further reading
[
edit
]
- Linder, Katie (2019). "Queering the Nuclear Family: Navigating Familial Living as an Asexual". In Simula, Brandy L.; Sumerau, J. E.; Miller, Andrea (eds.).
Expanding the Rainbow: Exploring the Relationships of Bi+, Polyamorous, Kinky, Ace, Intersex, and Trans People
. Leiden: Brill. pp. 221?227.
ISBN
9789004414099
.
- Strait, Ashton (15 November 2012).
"Beyond BFFs: Cozying up to queerplatonic relationships"
.
Post-
. Vol. 14, no. 8. Brown University. p. 3.
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