Holding the Man
is a 1995 memoir by Australian writer, actor, and activist
Timothy Conigrave
.
[1]
It tells of his 15-year love affair with John Caleo, which started when they met in the mid-1970s at
Xavier College
, an all-boys Jesuit Catholic school in
Melbourne
, and follows their relationship through the 1990s when they both developed
AIDS
.
[1]
The book, which won the 1995 Human Rights Award for Non-Fiction,
[2]
has been adapted as
a play
,
[3]
a docudrama,
[4]
and in 2015
a film
starring
Ryan Corr
,
Craig Stott
,
Anthony La Paglia
,
Geoffrey Rush
and
Guy Pearce
.
[5]
"Holding the Man" refers to
a rule
in
Australian Rules Football
where a defensive player is awarded a
free kick
for being tackled while not being in possession of the ball.
[6]
Caleo, Conigrave's lover, was captain of the school football team.
Holding the Man
was published in February 1995 by
Penguin Books
in Australia just a few months after Conigrave's death, and has since been published in Spain and North America.
The story opens at Kostka, Xavier's junior (preparatory) school in
Melbourne
. Here, the author begins to sexually experiment with other boys, and comes to the realisation that he is gay. Several years later, on his first day at Xavier College (the Jesuit senior school), Conigrave sees John Caleo for the first time.
The two form a friendship, and at the suggestion of one of Tim's female friends, John is invited to a dinner party at Tim's house. The girls know Tim is in love with John, and "pass a kiss" around the table for his benefit.
A few weeks later, Tim rings John at home, and asks "John Caleo, will you go round with me?" The reply is an unambiguous "Yep".
The two graduate from high school in 1977, Tim attending Monash University and John studying to be a chiropractor at College. Despite parental opposition, Conigrave's eventual move to
Sydney
in order to attend
NIDA
, and youthful experimentation and infidelities, the relationship continues.
Tragically, when Tim and John finally move in together in Sydney and are genuinely happy, they are both diagnosed with HIV. The year is 1985.
Until 1990, the men have relatively mild symptoms. Sadly, in the Autumn of 1991, John begins to rapidly deteriorate, suffering from lymphoma. Tim cares for his partner, whilst nursing symptoms of his own. The misery of HIV/AIDS is laid bare before the reader, with Conigrave sparing nothing in detailing the cruel progression of the disease. He watches as his lover's once-strong body is ravaged. The reader helplessly looks on as the story moves to its devastating conclusion.
At Christmas, in 1991, John is admitted to the Fairfield Hospital in Melbourne. A month later, on
Australia Day
1992, he dies of an AIDS-related illness, with his lover by his side, gently stroking his hair. Nearly three years later, shortly after finishing
Holding the Man
, Tim Conigrave passes away in Sydney.
[7]
Awards and Notable Reviews
edit
Publishers have claimed that the book has won the Human Rights award for Non-Fiction in 1995,
[1]
and has been listed as one of the "100 Favourite Australian Books" by the Australian society of Authors in 2003.
[
citation needed
]
In 2015 UK singer
Sam Smith
praised the memoir on their Instagram account: "The most powerful thing for me was how this book captured what it's like to grow up gay and all those confusing scary and amazing moments I had coming out and realising who I was...this book and film pretty much changed my life".
[8]
Veteran London stage director, and director of the film, Neil Armfeld described the book as "extremely important in Australian gay history" going on to say that it "surveyed that time in Australian gay life."
[9]
Tim Robey of the
Australian Telegraph
described it as "Romeo and Juliet for the AIDS era.
[9]
Peter Kenneally from the
Australian Book Review
likens the story to
Pyramus and Thisbe
.
[10]
Spanish and North American editions
edit
The book was published in Spanish in 2002 under the title
Amando En Tiempos De Silencio
(Loving in the Days of Silence).
[11]
(
ISBN
84-95346-24-9
).
The United States and Canadian edition of
Holding the Man
(with an afterword by Tommy Murphy) was released in September 2007 by Cuttyhunk Books,
Boston, Massachusetts
. (EAN/
ISBN
978-0-97882595-9
).
[12]
Holding the Man
was
adapted for the stage
by
Tommy Murphy
in 2006.
[13]
The original production, directed by
David Berthold
, is one of the most successful Australian stage productions in recent years, playing in most Australian capital cities and London's West End.
[14]
Murphy also wrote the script for the
2015 film adaptation
, directed by
Neil Armfield
.
[5]
A feature-length documentary about Tim and John's relationship, called
Remembering the Man
, was released in 2015.
[4]
The documentary had its world premiere on 18 October (the 21st anniversary of Conigrave's death) at the
Adelaide Film Festival
where it won the audience award for best documentary.
[15]
- ^
a
b
c
"Holding the Man by Timothy Conigrave"
.
www.penguin.com.au
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
Conigrave, Timothy; Marr, David (2015).
Holding the Man: Winner of the Human Rights Award for Non-Fiction
. Penguin Random House.
ISBN
978-0-14-300949-8
? via Internet Archive.
- ^
Cerabona, Ron (17 March 2023).
"Poignant play has a special place in some hearts"
.
The Canberra Times
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
a
b
Bird, Nickolas; Sharpe, Eleanor (14 April 2016),
Remembering the Man
(Documentary, History, Romance), George Banders, Reece Manning, Richard Bligh
, retrieved
11 June
2023
- ^
a
b
Armfield, Neil (27 August 2015),
Holding the Man
(Biography, Drama, Romance), Ryan Corr, Sarah Snook, Francesco Ferdinandi, Screen Australia, Goalpost Pictures, Snow Republic
, retrieved
11 June
2023
- ^
"The Complete Guide To Understanding Australian Rules Football"
.
Deadspin
. 12 May 2017
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
Conigrave, Timothy (1996).
Holding the Man
(1st?ed.). Penguin.
ISBN
9781742284064
.
- ^
"Sam Smith tells his fans the Australian Film Holding the Man changed my life"
.
Sydney Morning Herald
. 29 July 2015
. Retrieved
10 August
2021
.
- ^
a
b
Robey, David (11 March 2016).
"A Romeo and Juliet for the AIDS era'
"
.
Daily Telegraph
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
Kenneally, Peter (21 August 2015).
"Peter Kenneally reviews 'Holding the Man'
"
.
Australian Book Review
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
"Goodreads"
.
Goodreads
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
"Goodreads"
.
Goodreads
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
Dunne, Stephen (13 November 2006).
"Holding the Man"
.
The Sydney Morning Herald
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
Shenton, Mark (15 March 2010).
"Full Cast Announced for West End Premiere of Holding the Man"
.
Playbill
. Retrieved
11 June
2023
.
- ^
"2015 Audience Award Winners Announced"
. Adelaide Film Festival. 29 October 2015. Archived from
the original
on 8 April 2016
. Retrieved
17 April
2016
.
- Holding the Man cle]arti